i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
