I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
