Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
