You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
