The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
