Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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