she looked like the before picture.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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