Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize