i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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