Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
