That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
