On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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