i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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