literally had 100 drinks last night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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