I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
