So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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