Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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