hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
