Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
