it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
