you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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