Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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