Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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