how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
