Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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