he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
