Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
