do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
