Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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