Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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