Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online