Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

operation harelip BJ is a go

Fav 36 1283 4183
share tweet
(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

Fav 12 5704 1755
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(714): View more from California

Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros

Fav 24 6447 1126
share tweet
(916): View more from California

God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

Fav 12 2598 1084
share tweet
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

I'm at about main and main street

Fav 7 1975 1079
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.

Fav 11 2572 1114
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(317): View more from Indiana

Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.

Fav 9 1699 1180
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(520): View more from Arizona

This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.

Fav 9 1101 584
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.

Fav 2 471 755
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT