Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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