Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

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(201): At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure." http://tfl.nu/vpnd

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(843): View more from South Carolina

plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

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(843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone. http://tfl.nu/rlid

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(623): View more from Arizona

just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"

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(623): just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!" http://tfl.nu/ezhs

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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.

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(317): I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend. http://tfl.nu/dbby

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night

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(610): i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night http://tfl.nu/l16l

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(925): View more from California

We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...

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(925): We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo... http://tfl.nu/7fya

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(301): View more from Maryland

I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.

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(301): I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation. http://tfl.nu/sh4c

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(760): View more from California

BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY

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(760): BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY http://tfl.nu/9dad

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.

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(570): I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/e3cl

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.

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(+44): On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling. http://tfl.nu/fq4v

Replies (0) Good night (963) Bad night (1243)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to

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(775): Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to http://tfl.nu/b8f3

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(205): View more from Alabama

i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.

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(205): i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets. http://tfl.nu/hykz

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home

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(920): We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home http://tfl.nu/c2b2

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(515): View more from Iowa

I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.

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(515): I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion. http://tfl.nu/z0x4

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(407): View more from Florida

If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces

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(407): If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces http://tfl.nu/di36

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