why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
