her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
