no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.