I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
