I wanna bring you to show and tell
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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