I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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