just tell him i said nine months
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I supernannyed him into submission
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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