he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
