And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
