There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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