Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
