good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
