now i know why i became what i already was.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
