Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
