did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
