About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
