he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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