We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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