youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
