The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
