Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
