i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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