Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
