some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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