Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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