yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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