Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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