He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
