He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
