just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
