I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
me + whiskey = a bad person
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
